How to Hook Up Your Home Theater!

CROSS-ING OVER Shorts!

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Season 2: Episode 1: How to Hook Up Your Home Theater!

Synopsis: Scratch tries to hook up a home theater television system so he can watch football! Will he succeed?

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The episode starts with a football flying through the air. A football player leaps up and catches it. The red team rushes towards the blue team as the camera cuts to an overhead shot of a football stadium.

Announcer: Ah. The greatest of sporting spectacles.

The audience is seen cheering. Six people are seen with letters painted on their chests. They realize the letters are spelling “GO MEAT” and quickly change places so that it says “GO TEAM”.

Announcer: The most sacred of all past times.

The color turns to black and white and the camera zooms out to reveal it is on a television being watched by Scratch who is drinking soda, eating hot dogs and is also wearing a foam finger on his right hand.

Announcer: Watching the big game.

Scratch: Hey! Down and front!

Scratch continues eating. Suddenly, the television turns to static and Scratch screams as he frantically tries to fix the TV.

Announcer: On these glorious occasions, there’s no greater luck between that of the average man and his television.

A truck stops at a house outside the window. Scratch notices the truck and sees Brooklyn Guy and Simmons moving a large box into MF2009’s house. Scratch takes out two cups of water and places them on his eyes, causing the water to pour out as well. On the truck is a sign showing a person sitting on a couch, watching football on a large TV.

Announcer: Modern sports fans however can fully immerse themselves in game day with a new home theater system! The advanced technology practically puts the viewer on the field.

Scratch runs off and sits down on a couch that is lying in a football stadium. Scratch catches the football as the teams tackle him. Scratch flies in the air as he balances the football on his finger. Scratch lands on the couch being pushed by the red team as he blocks the blue team with his foam finger while still holding the football. Eventually, the couch flies into the air and Scratch throws the football into the goal as the referee blows his whistle. The camera zooms out of the home theater system poster, revealing the scene was in Scratch’s imagination.

Scratch: Cool! I’ll have to get one!

Scratch runs out of the house.

Meanwhile.

Scratch is seen driving to Walmart.

Announcer: A convenient trip to the neighborhood’s electronic boutique will fulfill all the average consumer’s needs.

Scratch parks the car and runs into the store, crashing into the glass door in the process. The door opens and Scratch enters.

Announcer: Here, lies a high tech wonderland where audio video dreams come true.

Scratch smells an aroma coming from the television sets and begins to float.

Announcer: The heavenly journey begins with a few key components.

Scratch drifts into the air and suddenly a bunch of electronics begin falling into his arms as he struggles to stay afloat.

Announcer: The DVD, the CD, the LD, the DVR, the VCR, the audio receiver, AV cables, TV cables, satellite dish, with satellite, (getting faster) the Blu-Ray, the Green-Ray, The Who-Ray, the Hi-Fi, the Wi-Fi, HDMI, heebie-jeebies, and E=MC squared. Oh, and don’t forget the batteries.

A pack of batteries land on the pile of electronics, causing Scratch to plummet to the ground.

Announcer: They’re not included.

Scratch grabs a shopping cart and all of the electronics fall into it as he moves through the store.

Announcer: Selecting the proper television is of upmost importance. And there are many models from which to choose.

Scratch stops when he sees a massive tv screen showing football, letting go of the cart in the process.

Announcer: Ahem, a conservatively sized unit is the most prudent selection.

The shopping cart bumps into an even larger television screen. Scratch heads to the TV.

Scratch: I love you.

Scratch hugs the TV screen. Suddenly, Scratch notices Mario and Jeffy staring at him. Scratch laughs nervously as he leaves.

Announcer: Ahem, let’s move on, shall we..

The scene transitions to Manny’s house. (Scratch lives here.)

Announcer: Delivery day! The wait is over!

Scratch exits the house and looks around for the truck. He heads back inside and sets up a couch alongside an air horn, food and drinks.

Announcer: Kick off in hi-definition! Just a few connections away and any moment now, the sights and sounds of the big game will fill the home!

Scratch runs to the window and waits for the truck.

Announcer: The delivery truck will arrive promptly. (quickly) Between hours 8 PM and 5 PM.

The scene transitions to an hour later as Scratch continues waiting.

Announcer: Any moment now, cries of the reverberating crowd will erupt around the room!

The scene transitions to noon where Scratch is now slumping on the floor.

Announcer: Any moment now, you will be hopelessly lost in pure televised wonderment!

The scene transitions to night where Scratch is seen asleep. It then turns back to day.

Announcer: (tired) Any moment now.

A truck drives by, running over an offscreen cat in the process. Scratch wakes up from the noise, positions a picture of Grounder correctly and heads outside.

Announcer: Right on time! As the friendly drivers deliver your electronics with their friendly precision.

A crane lifts Manny’s house off the ground and a bulldozer pushes boxes into Scratch as the house is dropped back into place.

Announcer: One should take great care in unpacking the fragile components.

Scratch pulls out a knife and climbs to the top of a large box and cuts into it. The camera cuts to outside of Manny’s house as packing peanuts burst through the doors, windows and chimney of the house.

Announcer: Items can shift slightly during shipping.

Scratch sneezes, causing the packing peanuts on him to fly off, but they latch back onto him. Next, Scratch is seen wiping some packing peanuts off the instructions.

Announcer: The enclosed instruction manual are of great assistance and for the average man.

Scratch unfolds the instruction booklet until it fills the entire living room.

Announcer: Be sure to read all of the provided literature.

Scratch falls over and the instructions fall on top of him, spreading the packing peanuts everywhere.

Announcer: After removing the audio video cables from their tool friendly hassle-free packaging.

Scratch is seen struggling to open the package containing the cables. He then tries smashing it with a hammer, but is unsuccessful. Scratch sweats, causing a single drop of sweat to fall onto the package, causing the wires to fly everywhere and getting Scratch tangled in them.

Announcer: Connect them to the appropriate cable jacks. They are conveniently located in the back.

Scratch tries to reach towards the back of the TV, but is unsuccessful. Scratch pulls out a chainsaw and cuts through the back of Manny’s house, exposing the back of the TV. Scratch then cuts a door through the wall and exits with the wires. Scratch connects the wires to the TV. Scratch pushes the wall back up and uses the chainsaw to cut off the wires sticking out. Scratch is then seen opening a box.

Announcer: The modern sound system includes a multitude of speakers to provide the perfectly balanced soundscape.

The camera zooms into a picture on the box, showing a silhouette of Scratch sitting on the sofa with the TV in front of him. As the announcer speaks, speakers begin surrounded Scratch and making more noises as he shakes from the noise.

Announcer: (getting louder as he goes) The center channel, left and right front speakers, a bit more to the left and a bit more to the right speakers, surround speakers, SURROUNDING surround speakers, AND VARIOUS, OVERKILL, TO ENSURE EVENTUAL DEAFNESS SPEAKERS! And the all-important, subwoofer..

The subwoofer creates noise, causing the screen to shatter. Scratch is then seen pulling out several speakers.

Announcer: One should carefully mount each speaker in its proper, yet discreet location.

Scratch shoves aside photos of the events of Vandal Busted: Part II, Lost Memories and Badman Returns before placing a speaker in their place. Scratch climbs a ladder and nails a speaker to the wall. Scratch then emerges from the ceiling through a door and sprays glue at another wall before placing a speaker on it. Scratch then sets a speaker underneath the couch. The couch falls over and the speaker bursts through it. Scratch then dumps a speaker into a fishbowl, forcing the fish towards the edge of the bowl. Scratch places the speaker onto a clock, causing a bird resembling Pecky to pop out. Scratch then sets a speaker in the mouth of a moose head resembling Lumpy from HTF, causing him to react in surprise. Scratch then tosses several speakers in the air, causing their wires to get hung on the blades of a ceiling fan.

Scratch: Perfect!

The camera turns upside down to reveal Scratch tangled in the wires. A speaker falls and shatters on the ground.

Announcer: And now, the marvel of the most modern home- Oh, for pete’s sake, LOOK AT THE TIME!!!

Scratch looks at several alarm clocks reading 12:00 PM.

Announcer: THE BIG GAME IS STARTING!

Scratch screams as he tries to look for the remote.

Announcer: QUICK, QUICK! THE REMOTE CONTROL!

Scratch looks under the couch and finds the remote. However, Scratch screams when he sees dozens of remote controls on the floor. Scratch frantically tries to turn on each remote.

Announcer: WAIT!!!

Scratch stops.

Announcer: You did purchase a universal remote, right?

Scratch: Yes?

A spotlight shines on a glass container containing a remote with two levers. Scratch bows before taking out a small hammer and smashing open the glass container. Scratch then flips the two levers, revealing the button. Tears comes out of Scratch’s eyes as he begins to push the remote. Scratch pushes the button, causing the house’s roof to explode, sending Scratch flying into the air. Scratch screams as he, the couch and the TV flies through the air. The couch lands on the ground before Scratch lands in it, head first before the TV falls in front of him. Scratch then sticks his head out of the pillow.

Announcer: At last, installation is complete! Gaze upon the 4K picture! Savor the surround sound!

The blue team charges at the red team, but suddenly run out of the TV screen. The football lands in Scratch’s hands as he gets tackled and sent flying by the red team. Another red player tackles Scratch as he escapes through the ground. Eventually, the teams pile on top of Scratch. Scratch emerges from the top of the pile with the football in his mouth. The referee blows his whistle and tosses a penalty flag on Scratch as he spits the football out.

Scratch: It’s almost like being there!

Scratch laughs and pushes the button on the remote, causing the screen to cut to black.

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