SuperMarioLogan: Endgame Episode 4: Tostarena

Episode 4: Tostarena

Day 3 10:37 AM

The Odyssey lands in Tostarena

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Cappy: I declare the voyage of the Odyssey is a success

Mario: It’s cold to the mofo out here!

Cappy: And I Thought deserts were hot

Mario: It seems that tower’s showing a beacon

Cappy: That’s gotta be a power moon

Panty: S-So D-Damn C-C-Cold! Everything just f-froze Out Of Nowhere!

At the ruins

Mario captures Bullet Bill

Mario (Bully Bill): I got eyes on the power moon!

Then grabs it on the leaning pillar as he turns around and explodes at a block into his human form

Cappy: We got another!

After getting the power moons

Mario: What happened to that pyramid?

Cappy: It’s inverted

Stocking: Speaking Of pyramids LOOK! Those bunnies!

Rango: Now... we ride!

[whip cracks; Rango stops and looks to his right, puzzled]

Rango: [the band of mariachi owls stands a ways away with their instruments, waiting; Rango shouts to them] That means we're riding now! This moment.

[another whip is heard and the owls start playing the background music]

Mario: HOLY. HELL. This is tripping!

Mario captures another bullet bill and flies towards the edge and goes into the wall

Mario: How could I be upside down?

Cappy: Maybe it’s the arrows

Later on the top of the inverted pyramid

Hariet: Looking for the diamond in the rough? Too bad! Reverse Flash has it now! And you’re not invited to the wedding!

Hariet comes to the battlefield as she throws maces from her ponytail Mario throws Cappy at the mace slamming Harriet’s face and stomps the rabbit then hariet becomes a flying saucer like hat

Mario: Give me the multi moon!

Hariet: Ok here it is, the diamond in the rough is in the cave of wonders here’s the medallion

Mario: Thank You

Mario throws hariet off the pyramid with the lego Yoda death sound effect as it floats leaving the hole in the desert open

Cappy: That’s gotta be The Medallion

Mario: Can’t believe we got both of them

Mario pulls out the second half of the medallion. He connects them, and the insect medallion begins to glow. Finally, it flies out of Mario’s hand, and is off towards the dunes.

Mario: Quickly, follow the trail!

Mario hope On Yoshi

(Both ride off, following the glowing speck of light)

Mario: FASTEEER!

(It reaches a large dune. It separates into two and the halves plunge into the dune. All that remains are two glowing points of light on the dune.  But then the dune begins to rise up, transforming into a giant lion's head, with the glowing points serving as the eyes.)

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Mario: The cave of wonders!

(Mario starts to approach the lion's mouth, which forms the entrance to the cave.)

Mario and Cappy reaches the cave, but blown away by the roar of the cave's speaking.

CAVE: Who disturbs my slumber?

Mario: It is I, Mario

CAVE: Know this. Only one may enter here One whose worth lies far within. The diamond in the rough.

Panty: What are you waiting for? Get that diamond and get out!

Cave: Touch nothing but the lamp

(The cave opens up with a roar, and a staircase appears in front of Mario.)

(Mario begins to descend the staircase. He reaches the bottom and enters a golden chamber filled with treasure.)

Mario: Would You look at that!

We see the treasure

Mario: Just a handful of this stuff would make me rich!

Cappy: Just remember Don't...touch...Absolutely...anything! We gotta find that lamp.

(They pass through a long cave, until they emerge in a giant underground cavern. In the centre of the room is a tall pillar, with a staircase going up to it. It is surrounded by water with unevenly placed stones forming a bridge. At the top of the pillar is a beam of light. Mario begins to cross the bridge.)

(Mario climbs the stairs quickly. And he finally reaches the lamp.)

Mario: This is it? This is what we came all the way down here for-

CAVE VOICE: INFIDEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLSSS!

Mario: What the hell?

CAVE VOICE: You have touched the forbidden treasure!

(There is a rumbling and the room begins to shake.)

Cappy: It’s the diamond in the rough is it?

Cappy tucks the diamond away

Cave: Now you will never again see the light of day!

Mario races down the steps, but they flatten into a ramp, and he skies down until he flies into the air. The water has turned into lava. He is falling toward it, when all of a sudden CARPET appears and catches him. Mario looks left and right and sees rocks exploding into lava. Then CARPET races Over, just as the last rock is exploding.

(Together, they race back through the caves dodging walls and falling debris. Cappy grabs Mario's head and covers his eyes.)

Mario: Cappy, This is no time to panic!

(He pulls Cappy off his head and sees they are flying into a wall.)

Mario: I was wrong

(CARPET goes into a dive, then through another cave. Finally, they emerge through the internal entrance. Outside, the cave begins to growl and close. CARPET and company are almost to the top when a boulder drops on carpet, sending it to the floor. Mario grabs onto the rock wall and holds on. And makes it out alive with the carpet CARPET sees this, but is pinned under a boulder. It struggles to break free, then does. It races up and catches Mario On the surface he grabs onto the rock wall and holds on. He sees Luigi at the top, within reach.)

Mario: Help me out!

Max: Throw me the lamp!

Mario: I can't hold on. Give me your hand.

Luigi: Hurry up and throw us the fucking lamp!

The cave roars one final time, then sinks back into the sand. Mario tried to throw the lamp But it was too late and Mario and Yoshi fell to their death screaming like this https://youtu.be/jObpQKNANJ8 They fell to the ground Mario looks at the entrance sealed in.

Mario looks at the lamp that fell out of cappy’s grasp

Mario: It Looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of shit. Hey, I think there's something written here, but it's hard to make out.

(He rubs the LAMP. Suddenly magic comes out of the hole, the LAMP begins to shake and glow, but Mario holds onto the LAMP, and our wonderful friend, the GENIE comes out.)

GENIE: AAAAAHHHHH! OY! Ten-thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck! Hang on a second!

(He hangs Mario on a nearby rock. Then he pulls his head off and spins it around, yelling as he does so.)

Genie: Whoa! Does it feel good to be outta there! (Genie uses the lamp end of himself as a microphone.) I’m telling you, Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where You from? (Sticks the mic in Mario's face.) What's your name?

Mario: Mario.

GENIE: (Says his name as if he's discovered something major) Mario! (A neon sign lights up with Mario’s name on it, circled by chase lights. The sign changes to reflect the GENIE's upcoming line.)

Mario: Hello, Mario. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you 'Mar?' Or maybe just 'Io?' Or how bout 'Laddi?' (GENIE disappears, then a dog wrapped in plaid jumps in.) Sounds like 'Here, boy! C'mon, Laddi!'

Mario: (Shaking his head) I must have hit my head harder than I thought.

GENIE: (Still a dog) Do you smoke? Mind if I do? (Dog poofs into smoke, then back to the GENIE.)

Genie: Say, you're a lot smaller than my last master. (Lifts his beer-gut.)  Either that or I'm gettin' bigger. Look at me from the side--do I look different to you?

Mario: Wait a minute! I'm--your master?

GENIE: (Slaps a diploma in Mario’s hand and a mortarboard on his head.) That's right! He can be taught! What would you wish of me, (as Arnold Schwarzenegger) The ever impressive, (Inside a cube) The long contained, (as will Smith) the often imitated, but never duplicated--

(He multiplies into multiple GENIES who surround him.)

DUP. GENIES: Duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated,  duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated.

GENIE: (Says it like a ring announcer at a boxing match.) Genie! Of! The Lamp! (Goes into Ed Sullivan) Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your enjoyment wish fulfillment. Thank youuuuu!

Mario: Wish fulfillment?

GENIE: Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. (Turns into a slot machine, arm pulls down and three GENIEs appear in the windows.)  That's it--three. (Three GENIE caballeros come out of the slot.) Uno, dos, tres. (Changes into b/w Groucho Marx.) No substitutions, exchanges or refunds. (The duck drops with the secret word "Refunds.')

Mario: (To Cappy) Now I know I'm dreaming.

GENIE: (Music for "Friend Like Me" begins) Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here! So why don't you just ruminate, while I illuminate the possibilities.

(GENIE lights up like a fluorescent light)

Genie: Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves Scheherazadie had a thousand tales But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeve You got a brand of magic never fails!

(GENIE produces 40 thieves who surround Mario with swords. GENIE appears in his sack hat, then sticks his arms out and boxes the thieves into submission.)

Genie: You got some power in your corner now Some heavy ammunition in your camp You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how See all you gotta do is rub that lamp And I'll say

(Boxing ring appears, Mario in the corner, being massaged by GENIE. Then GENIE turns into a pile of fireworks and explodes. Then GENIE appears inside lamp and grabs Mario's hand and rubs lamp with it.)

Mario: Mister Mario sir What will your pleasure be? Let me take your order, jot it down You ain't never had a friend like me No no no way!

(GENIE produces a table and chairs, then writes down things on a note pad, like a waiter.)

Genie: Life is your restaurant And I'm your maitre' d! C'mon whisper what it is you want You ain't never had a friend like me.

(GENIE appears as a plate of chicken, then returns to normal, but enlarges his ear to listen to Mario. Finally, he explodes into four duplicate Genies.)

Genie: Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service You're the boss, the king, the shah! Say what you wish, it's yours! True dish How about a little more Baklava?

(The GENIES give him a shave, haircut and manicure, then Mario appears in a comfy chair surrounded by the treasure and being fanned by The GENIE and reappears and fills the screen with baklava.)

Genie: Try some of column 'A' Try all of column 'B' I'm in the mood to help you dude You ain't never had a friend like me

(Mario rises up on a column with a giant A on top, then jumps to another column with a B on top. He falls off and is caught by a cushion held by GENIE. He opens his mouth, and his tongue turns into a staircase. A miniature GENIE dressed like a magician comes out.)

(The mini GENIE does a little dance with the GENIE's two giant hands. At the end, they surround the mini GENIE and squish him into nothing.)

Genie: Can your friends do this? Do your friends do that? Do your friends pull this out their little hat Can your friends go poof! Well looky here Can your friends go Abracadabra, let 'er rip And then make the sucker disappear?

(The GENIE pulls off his head, duplicates it, then juggles them. He tosses them to Mario, who juggles with one hand and spins one of the heads on his fingertip like a basketball. He tosses the heads back onto the GENIE, who proceeds to try and pull himself out of a hat at his base. He spirals around and around until he turns into a white rabbit. The rabbit transforms into a purple dragon (very reminiscent of Figment from EPCOT Center). The dragon breathes fire, which turns into three HAREM hoes. who dance around Mario.  And they disappear.)

Genie: So don't you sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed I'm here to answer all your midday prayers You got me bona fide, certified You got a genie for a charg? d'affairs! I got a powerful urge to help you out So what you wish I really want to know You got a wish that's three miles long, no doubt So all you gotta do is rub like so, and oh!

(GENIE imitates what he is calling Mario, then turns into a certificate which rolls up and surrounds Mario. GENIE pulls a list out of Mario's ear, which he uses to rub his ass like drying off after a shower.)

Mister Mario, sir, have a wish or two or three I'm on the job, you big nabob You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never...had a... friend... like...me! You ain't never had a friend like me!

(The dancing HAREM GIRLS reappear, and Mario leans in to kiss one. She turns into the GENIE, who zaps four dancing elephants into existence. To the other direction, he zaps in four dancing camels, and a grand finale dancing number ensues. Yoshi grabs as much gold as he can, but the GENIE wraps everything up in a cyclone and zaps it away until they're all back in the cave. GENIE has a neon "APPLAUSE" sign on his back. Yoshi turns his hat over and sees that is is empty.)

GENIE: So what'll it be, master?

Mario: You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want?

GENIE: (As William F. Buckley) Ah, almost. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos

Mario: Like?

GENIE: Ah, rule number one: I can't kill anybody. (He slices his head off with his finger.) So don't ask. Rule two: I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone else. (Head turns into a big pair of lips which kiss Mario.) You little punim, there. (Lies flat, then gets up and transforms into a zombie.) Rule number three: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture, (He grabs Mario and shakes him) I don't like doing it! (He poofs back to normal.) Other than that, you got it!

Mario: (Looks at Yoshi as if plotting) Ah, provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? (To Yoshi) Some all powerful genie--can't even bring people back from the dead. I don't know, Yoshi--he probably can't even get us out of this cave. Looks like we're gonna have to find a way out of here--

(They start to leave, but a big blue foot stomps down in front of them.)

Mario: YIPE!

GENIE: Excuse me? *Scoff* Are you lookin' at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up, did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're walkin' out on me? (Gets madder and madder) I don't think so, not right now. You're gettin' your wishes, so siddown!

(They all get on Yoshi. GENIE takes the form of a stewardess, with lots of arms pointing out the exits.) In case of emergency, the exits are here, here, here, here,here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, anywhere! Keep your hands and arms inside the raptor. Weeee'rrrrrreee...outta here!

Yoshi and the passengers fly out of the sand in the desert and the carpet grabs the outsiders as well

We zoom into Mario’s foot and a tracking device is seen

Meanwhile at the legion of doom

Deathstroke: Luthor, The plumbers are located in tostarena

Lex: We got them!

Computer: Flight mode engaged

Lex: The hall of doom flies of you didn’t notice NOW BUCKLE UP!

After Mario exits crazy cap An earthquake strikes the desert and we see the hall of doom

Sinestro: Stop, thief! I'll have your hands for a trophy, plumber!

Mario: (Looks back, then down, then at the lamp.) All this for the lamp?

(They tried to warp off to the ship, but the thunder livewire summoned stop them leaves them landing on two ropes strung between buildings, with drying clothes on them. He skies down them, collecting bits and pieces of clothing on him as he goes. Finally, he's nearing the end of the rope, at a window, when a woman reaches out and slams the shutters closed. Mario slams into the shutters and falls to the street, his fall being broken by numerous awnings and the pile of clothes around him. He pulls off the top layer of clothes)

Firefly: There he is!

Black Adam: You won't get away so easy!

Mario: You think that was easy?

Lex: You two, over that way, and you, with me. We'll find him.

(A long chain and hand grabs Mario’s shoulder and yanks him back. It's lobo.)

Lobo: Gotcha!

Mario: I'm in trouble!

Lobo:  ...and this time--

(A punch from Cappy.)

Mario: Perfect timing! Come on, let's get outta here! Gotta keep...one jump ahead of the deadline One swing ahead of the sword I steal only what I can't afford That's everything!

(Mario battles black manta wielding a sword. He dodges a couple of swings, then dodges an attack. Manta swings at Mario, but destroys a barrel of fish. As Mario runs off.)

Luigi: One jump ahead of the lawmen That's all, and that's no joke These guys don't appreciate I'm broke!

(The Company scamper up a pile of barrels, then kick one down on top of the legion.)

Legion: (one at a time)

Harley Quinn: Riffraff!

Brainiac: Pathetic rat!

Cheetah: Scoundrel!

Captain cold: Fuck You!

Mr. Snart fires ice from his cold-gun

Mario: It’s Just a lamp, guys!

(Mario scampers to the top of a platform. The legion of doom shake the platform back and fro trying to knock him off.)

Legion of doom: Rip him open, take it back plumber!

Mario: I can take a hint, gotta face the facts were you expecting nabu?

WOMEN: Who?!?

(Mario jumps off the platform to certain death, only to grab Cappy’s hands like an acrobat. The pair swing into a harem.)

Women: Oh, it's sad Mario and Luigi hit the bottom He's become a one-man rise in crime

(Yoshi finds a plate full of fruit and stuffs his mouth full like a chipmunk.)

WOMAN: I'd blame parents, except he hasn't got 'em!

Max: Gotta eat to live, gotta hunt to eat Tell you all about it when I got the time!

(Mario and Cappy exit. Cut to MUSCLEMAN flexing to a crowd. The legion of doom rush past. Cut to Mario and Cappy behind MUSCLE MAN, matching his moves, until they make a mistake and are discovered.)

Mario: One jump ahead of the slowpokes One skip ahead of the legion of doom Next time gonna use a nom de plume. One jump ahead of the hitmen One hit you even suck cocks? I think I'll take a stroll around the block.

A chase sequence, in which The boys and Cappy, pursued by the legion of doom, race through a flock of sheep, hurdle a MAN sleeping on a bed of nails {of course an extremely large version of clayface lands on him}. Cappy disguises himself with jewels until a SHOPKEEPER discovers him.

Sinestro: Stop, Thief!

Black Adam: Vandal!

Mario: Dammit Cappy!

Lex: Outrage!

Catwoman: Scandal!

Marco: Let's not be too hasty

(Company is surrounded by the legion of doom in front of a wall. Killer Croc comes out.)

Killer croc: Still I think he's rather tasty

(Company tumbles away, then puts his arm around atomic skull.)

Mario: Gotta eat to live, gotta hunt to eat Otherwise we'd get along!

Legion of doom: WRONG!

(They all jump into a pile and fight. When they stop, Mario and Cappy are gone. They are sneaking away in barrels. They run across a flaming pit, followed by the legion who hop up and down, as they cross the rocks. Mario and Cappy pass a SWORD SWALLOWER, then Luigi goes back, pulls the sword out of the SWALLOWER's mouth. Luigi advances on the toyman. It’s the justice league action one)

Toyboy: He’s got a sword!

Lex: You asswipes! We’ve ALL got superpowers! And weapons

(Mario and Cappy are yet again surrounded, with the legion coming from left and right. He jumps up and climbs a robe trick being done on the street, as the legion all crash into each other.)

Mario: One jump ahead of the hoofbeats!

Legion of doom: Vandal!

Mario: One hop ahead of the hump!

Legion of doom: Street rat!

Mario: One trick ahead of disaster

Legion of doom: Scoundrel!

Mario: They're quick but I'm much faster

Legion of doom: Take that / Fuck You!

(The legion of doom chase Mario up a staircase into a room. He grabs a carpet and jumps out the window)

Genie: Here goes, better throw my hand in Wish me happy landing All we gotta do is jump!

(The legion follow him out the window, but they go straight down to the street, and land in a pile with the sign "Hakim's Discount Fertilizer." Mario uses the carpet as a parachute to land safely and out of danger. Mario and Cappy high-five each other.)

Mario: And now, esteemed effendi, we go deeper! All right!

Our heroes go in the hole

The underground temple

A couple fists emerge offscreen

Knucklotec: Trespassers!

Knucklotec drops in

Knucklotec: You have stolen the diamond in the rough!

He slams his fist on the ice

Knucklotec: Ahhh!

Mario captures his fist

Knucklotec: What Magic is this?

Mario punches the Tostarenan god

Knucklotec: You have chosen to die here!

After the 2 punches

Knucklotec: I CANNOT DIE! I AM KNUCKLOTEEEEEEEEEC!

Knucklotec dies leaving the multi moon

Mario: We got it

The heroes fly out

65 power moons later

Mario: That’s all of them

Cappy: Time to set sail

Mario: We’ve got 2 locations

Cappy: Your pick: Trolberg or the lake kingdom

Luigi: I think we’ll start with the lake lamode

Max: You think there’s gonna be mermaids there?

The ship takes flight

When everyone’s green lantern reveals himself as Marco Diaz and grabs a ukulele

Marco: Remember me

Though I have to say goodbye

Remember me

Don't let it make you cry

For even if I'm far away, I hold you in my heart

I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart

Remember me

Though I have to travel far

Remember me

Each time you hear a sad guitar

Know that I'm with you the only way that I can be

Until you're in my arms again

Remember me