Thread:Rh390110478/@comment-33032843-20190417033612/@comment-33032843-20190417224812

DarthSaiyan8697 wrote: DarthSaiyan8697 wrote:

Rh390110478 wrote:

DarthSaiyan8697 wrote: Rh390110478 wrote:

DarthSaiyan8697 wrote: Okay, so I made another script for chapter 3 where James Bond Mario gets contacted by Head of the Muhroom Kingdom Secret Service (MKSS) Great Prince of the Forest, James Bond Mario's boss, that what he did know about the Sega Order. Here it is:

Great Prince (James Bond Mario's universe): 00M, what do you know about the Sega Order?

James Bond Mario: I know the fact that the Sega Order is lead by Super Sonic, M. The main purpose of this organization is to destroy the SML universe and rebuild it in their own image. Once the SML Universe is finished, our universe or one of my counterparts' universe might be next. The agents of the Sega Order are Jeffy, SML Rosalina, Goodman, and Brooklyn T. Guy.

Great Prince (James Bond Mario's universe): *to the koopa MKSS member* Analyze the information of the Sega Order and its members.

Koopa MKSS member: Yes Sir.

The Koopa is using the computer to look at the information of the Sega Order, but he only found the data of Super Sonic.

Koopa MKSS member: Sir, I only found the documentation of the Sega Order's leader, Super Sonic, but there's no statistics of the members that 00M mentioned.

Great Prince (James Bond Mario's universe): 00M, we found the information of Super Sonic, but there's no data of the members that you mentioned.

James Bond Mario: Then perhaps I will take pictures if them so you will receive their documentation once the Council of Marios sent me to the SML Universe.

Princess Peach (James Bond's universe) shows up in the MKSS office

Princess Peach (James Bond Mario's universe): What's going on, M?

Great Prince (James Bond Mario's universe): Your Majesty, we only found some information of the Sega Order when 00M learned about it as he's attending a meeting at the Council of Marios, but there are no statistics of the members that he mentioned.

Note: Peach in James Bond Mario's universe is the secretary to the Head of the Mushroom Kingdom Secret Service while she's the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. She's also a parody of Miss Moneypenny from the James Bond series. If you don't know who Great Prince is, he is Bambi's dad and one of the supporting characters of Bambi. In James Bond Mario's universe, he's a parody of M from the James Bond series.

Any revisions you want to add? It looks amazing! I feel like no changes need to be made for now. I feel like this script is not perfect enough since there are mistakes that I've noticed, so do you have any plans to revise it soon? Let me see.

I think you should add a scene where James Bond Mario is discussing the data with the other council members. I'll save this scene for later, but do you have anything to revise this script since I feel like that there are mistakes in it. Also, I feel like the characters' dialogues are kind of repetitive since they repeat some of the same words over and over again. Just saying this again in case if you didn't notice.