War of the Two Females!

CROSS-ing Over Shorts!

Episode 7 - War of the Two Females!

Synopsis: Tari and Firestar get into a fight when Tari accidentally causes Firestar to spill her hot sauce. They decide to settle it in a competition to see who is better. Who will win?

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At the bar, Sunny is seen at a table with Meggy.

Meggy: How are you liking it here at Pensacola?

Sunny: I’m really enjoying it!

Sunny: By the way, where’s Tari?

Meggy: She’s just listening to music at the DJ.

Tari is seen at the DJ listening to the Avengers: EMH theme.

Tari: Yeah! This song is great!

Tari backs away and accidentally bumps into Firestar causing her to spill a glass of hot sauce.

Firestar: Hey! I was drinking that!

Tari: Sorry! I was just listening to music! This record is hot!

Firestar walks past Tari and to the DJ where she shoots a fireball at it, destroying it.

Firestar: There! Now it’s even “hotter”!

Audience: OOOOHHHHHHH!!!!

Tari: THAT WAS MY FAVORITE TRACK!

Firestar: OH YEAH?! SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR THE TIME YOU BUSTED MY FAVORITE SUIT!

Firestar puts her hand on Tari’s chest causing her to short circuit and deactivate until she reactivates shortly after.

Tari: I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!

Meggy: Um, guys. Can you calm down?

Sunny: True! Just please stop arguing.

Tari and Firestar continue to argue, eventually escalating into a fight.

Firestar: WELL, THAT WILL TEACH YOU FOR SPILLING MY DRINK!

Tari: IT WAS HOT SAUCE! YOU CAN GET MORE HERE!

Firestar: NO I CANT! IT WAS GHOST PEPPER! THEY HAVE HABANERO!

Sunny: Guys! Knock it off!

Both Sunny and Meggy grab Tari and Firestar and pull them away.

Firestar: HEY! LET ME GO!

Meggy: Guys! Break it up!

Tari activates her arm cannon and blasts Firestar, sending her flying into the bartender.

Bartender: OW!

Firestar jumps off the booth and lands back on the ground.

Firestar: You know what?! Next day, we have a contest to see who is better!

Tari: You’re on!

Firestar: Good! It starts tomorrow!

Firestar throws a fire bomb on the ground and vanishes in a puff of flame.

Sunny: Tari! You don’t know what you got yourself into!

Tari: I know, but I think I can take her on.

Meggy: Ok, then.

The next day.

Many characters enter a massive arena where Tari and Firestar are in the center.

Bread Monster: Hey, Everyone! It’s your host, the Bread Monster! Today, we have these two female contestants competing against one another in a series of challenges to see who is better!

Firestar: I’m telling you, Tari! I’m going to win!

Tari: Good luck! As if.

Bread Monster: But first! Here’s a word from our sponsor!

Announcer: From the creators of Big Chungus comes it’s long awaited sequel... BIG CHUNGUS: Infinity War!

A horrifically obese version of Robotnik laughs evilly as he converts every food in the galaxy into taco sandwiches.

Announcer: It was just a normal day in the land of THICC, but one day, the evil Robofatnik launched his evil plan to eradicate every unhealthy food in the world and replace them with taco sandwiches, a food that is SO unhealthy that anyone who eats it will explode into a million cosmic calories.

Big Chungus, Ugandan Knuckles and a new character named King Size Homer dodge multiple taco sandwiches.

Announcer: Robofatnik is completely invincible due to his bad cholesterol, but there is a legend that the only way to defeat him is to track down the six Macs of Power and unite them together to fill Robofatnik with so much cholesterol he explodes into cosmic calories!

Big Chungus, Ugandan Knuckles And King Size Homer unite the Six Macs of Power which are just different colored Big Macs and they fire a massive laser at Robofatnik, causing him to explode and reveal the game’s title.

Announcer: BIG CHUNGUS: Infinity War! Coming in your local stores this month!

The audience cheers as the trailer ends.

RH: I think I should make an episode off of that.

Culdee: I know!

Tari: What- What was that?

Firestar: I know.

Sunny Funny is also confused by the trailer.

Sunny: I honestly hope I didn’t eat dirt that had chemicals in it. They make you see crazy stuff.

Bread Monster: Anyways, let the games begin!

Round 1: Don’t get trolled!

Objective: You go across a massive disco floor and you have to be the first to make it to the end. If you step on the wrong square, a troll will pop out and troll you. Afterwards, you are disqualified. Begin!

Tari: Please don’t be a troll square.

Tari steps on a square and nothing happens.

Tari: Yes!

Meanwhile, Firestar is making it across some squares.

Firestar: Yes! I’m near the end! Victory is mine-

Firestar steps on a square and SquidwardPepe pops out.

SquidwardPepe: I love you!

Firestar: NNOOOOO!!!!

Nostalgia Critic bursts out of the ground and stomps on Firestar.

NC: Disqualified!

Tari steps on the last square and the other squares disappear.

Bread Monster: Tari wins!

Tari: Yes!

Tari - 1

Firestar - 0

Round 2: EGGS!

Objective: A giant demonic Cat in the Hat will drop explosive eggs on you. Try not to get blown up!

The ground underneath Firestar and Tari rises into the air and a giant demonic Cat in the Hat bursts out of the ground.

Firestar: WHAT THE?!

Tari: Who is that?!

Cat in the Hat: Oh! I frequently think every now and then of the glorious fruit of the noble hen!

The Cat in the Hat throws eggs at Firestar and Tari, but they dodge them.

Cat in the Hat: Eggs! Eggs! E- Double-G-S Eggs!

Tari: Look out!

Tari and Firestar dodge even more eggs.

Cat in the Hat: My knowledge of eggs is tremendous wide! I’ve eaten them boiled! I’ve eaten them fried! Poached and shirred and deviled and scrambled! Hummelled, schmuddled, cuddled and frammled!

Firestar burns many of the eggs Cat in the Hat throws at her.

Cat in the Hat: I’ve eaten them beaten and swizzled and swuzzled! Frizzled, cadizzled, bamboozled and fuzzled! I know every way that an egg can be guzzled and thinking of eggs! Reminds me of Sam! Who’s favorite dish! Is. Green Eggs and Ham!

Cat in the Hat turns super saiyan and charges up a massive golden egg.

Tari: SWEET MOTHER OF-

Cat in the Hat throws the golden egg at Tari and she is blown up.

Bread Monster: Firestar wins!

Firestar: Yeah! Take that, Tari!

Tari respawns.

Tari: I’ll get you, next round!

Firestar: We will see.

Firestar puts her hand on Tari’s chest and she short circuits again. Tari reactivates.

Tari: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO DO THAT?!

Tari - 1

Firestar - 1

Round 3: Palpatine’s Special!

Objective: Serve a special food to Emperor Palpatine. If he hates it, he electrocutes you!

Palpatine is at a table.

Palpatine: I’m waiting for my dinner!

Tari: Here’s Mine!

Palpatine: Nice!

Palpatine eats the 10 pc. Chicken Tenders.

Firestar: My turn!

Firestar serves Palpatine her dish, but it spits fire in Palpatine’s face.

Palpatine: AGH! IT BURNS!

Palpatine blasts Firestar with force lightning.

Palpatine: UNLIMITED POWAH!!!

Tari - 2

Firestar - 1

Round 4: The Magazine!

Objective: Read the magazine, but watch out for the ads!

Tari: What? What do you mean?

Both Tari and Firestar notice an ad in their magazines showing a fat guy pooping in a wheelbarrow.

Firestar: EW! DISGUSTING!

Both Tari and Firestar puke.

Bread Monster: It’s a draw!

Tari - 2

Firestar - 1

Round 5: Don’t Drop the Soap!

Objective: Hold a bar of soap, and run throughout a prison without getting caught and raped by Bubbles!

Both Tari and Firestar are handed bars of soap.

Tari: WAIT, WHAT?!

Bubbles appears.

Bubbles: RAPE TIME!

Firestar: OH S***!

Firestar runs off.

Tari: I’M OUT OF HERE!

Tari runs upstairs as Bubbles chases after her.

Bubbles: COME HERE! I WANT TO RAPE!

Tari jumps over Bubbles and kicks him off the railing where he lands on top of Firestar.

Firestar: OW!

Bubbles: BRING ME THAT A**!

Firestar: NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Tari silently creeps away in horror as Bubbles rapes Firestar off screen.

Bread Monster: Tari wins!

Tari - 3

Firestar - 1

Round 6: Upset Darth Vader!

Objective: Perform numerous ways to upset Darth Vader. The first one to do so wins!

Darth Vader is seen shopping at a mall, but Tari appears and rips his armor off with her sword.

Darth Vader: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

Darth Vader force chokes Tari, causing her head to explode.

Darth Vader: Great! Got to get more armor!

A moment later.

Darth Vader is eating a bacon maple chicken sandwich at Wendy’s, but Firestar shows up and shoots fire at it, burning it to a crisp.

Darth Vader: Nice! I love mine burnt!

Darth Vader continues to eat the burnt sandwich.

Firestar: What the f***?

Meanwhile, Darth Vader is seen in the Death Star docking bay observing the planet, but Tari pushes him out and he drifts into space.

Darth Vader: So much space!

Tari: Oh come on!

One day later.

Both Tari and Firestar have gone psychotic from failing to upset Darth Vader.

Tari: HOW IS HE NOT UPSET YET?!

Firestar: I KNOW! I NEED TO WIN!

Tari: NO! ME!

Firestar sneaks away and hides behind a wall.

Firestar: I think I finally know a plan. It is the thing Darth Vader hates the most! The one most fans will never let him live it down-

Audience 1: JUST GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!

Firestar: SHUT UP!

Firestar incinerates the audience member.

A moment later.

Both Firestar and Darth Vader are inside the bar with a lot of patrons. Both of them have beer.

Firestar: Ready for this, Vader?

Darth Vader: Yes! You can never upset me! I haven’t been upset in 2 decades!

Firestar: We will see!

RH: Begin!

Both Darth Vader and Firestar drink their beers. Darth Vader finishes it first.

Darth Vader: Yes! I win! Take that, Firestar!

Firestar: Really? Because that was what I was hoping!

Darth Vader: Wait. What do you mean?

Firestar: You see. When Chef Pee Pee was brewing the beers, I paid him to put a special substance in your beer.

Darth Vader: ...

Firestar: Do you like it? Do you like it, Vader? I call it... “The Sandy Solution”...

Darth Vader: .... Oh my god.

Darth Vader pours the beer out and eventually, sand falls out.

Darth Vader: OH MY GOD! SAND!

Darth Vader bursts into tears, vomits and collapses to the floor in a sobbing wreck.

Firestar: I saw Attack of the Clones! I knew sand was your worst fear because it gets everywhere!

Darth Vader: (crying) OH GOD! IT’S INSIDE MY ARMOR!

Firestar: And that’s not it! I arranged a secret attendance! He should be here now!

Emperor Palpatine enters the bar and noticed Darth Vader crying on the floor.

Palpatine: Why are you crying you big baby?

Palpatine kicks Darth Vader as he sobs even harder.

Palpatine: Crying is for little girls! Just like yourself!

Palpatine electrocutes Vader with force lighting.

Darth Vader: (crying even harder) KILL ME! KILL ME NOW!

Tari is outside watching the events with a shocked expression.

Tari - 3

Firestar - 2

Round 7: Five Nights at Jesse’s!

Objective: Survive in Jesse’s Pizzeria without getting killed by Jesse and his friends!

Both Tari and Firestar spawn inside of Jesse’s Pizzeria.

Firestar: WHAT PLACE IS THIS?!

???: The place where outsiders like you go to die!

Firestar: CRAP!

Firestar dodges Olivia and runs off.

Olivia: Come back here!

Olivia chases after Firestar. Meanwhile, Tari runs into the office and shuts both of the doors.

Tari: Finally. They can’t get me in here.

Suddenly, Petra appears behind Tari.

Petra: What’s up?

Tari screams and crashes through the wall, creating a Tari-shaped hole. Meanwhile, Firestar is crawling through the vents while being chased by Axel and Lukas.

Lukas: COME BACK HERE!

Axel: LET’S PLAY WITH TNT!

Firestar exits the vents and barricades them with tables.

Firestar: Can’t get in anymore!

Lukas: We will get you!

Firestar: Try your best!

Suddenly, Jesse spawns behind Firestar.

Jesse: Surprise!

Firestar: S***.

Firestar screams as Jesse tackles and kills her.

RH: Tari wins-

Suddenly, Jesse and the others tackle RH while Petra aims a gun at his head.

RH: Hey! What are you doing?!

Jesse: You haven’t finished Five Nights at Jesse’s 2 yet! It’s been almost a year!

RH: Look! I was busy with stuff on the SML Wiki! I’ll get to it someday!

Olivia: Ok. But if it’s not finished, we will put you in retirement!

RH: Ok! Just don’t kill me!

Petra: We’ll be back in a few months...

Jesse and the others vanish.

RH: Ok. Anyways, next round!

Tari - 4

Firestar - 2

Round 7: Steal Da Headphones!

Objective: Steal RH’s headphones and don’t get caught!

RH is busy playing Big Chungus: Infinity War.

RH: Yes! Kill the evil Robofatnik!

Culdee: Didn’t they say it comes out this month?

RH: I got an early copy.

Culdee: Ok!

Culdee leaves the room. Tari enters through the ceiling vent.

Tari: Hopefully he doesn’t notice.

Tari grabs RH’s headphones and disappears into the vents with them.

RH: HEY! THOSE ARE MINE!

Tari bursts out of the vents with the headphones and activates her boosters.

Tari: Sorry! I need to win this round!

Tari flies off.

RH: YOU GET BACK HERE!

RH puts on his Vandal Buster suit and pulls out a bazooka.

RH: Lights out...

RH aims at Tari and shoots a missle, blasting her out of the sky.

A moment later.

RH is back in his room playing Big Chungus: Infinity War.

RH: Ok! Hopefully I can finish story mode!

Firestar sneaks behind the TV.

Firestar: Let’s see how he likes this.

Firestar hacks into the PS4 and the game switches to another game called “The Big Purple Penises”.

RH: WHAT THE?!

Singer: “The Big Purple Penises are hangin on the couch!”

RH: NOT THIS GAME! THIS WAS FROM ONION CREAM!

RH grabs a nearby baseball bat and smashes the TV. While RH is destroying the TV, Firestar steals RH’s headphones which he left on the couch and runs out with them.

Tari - 4

Firestar - 3

Round 8: The Eating Contest!

Objective: Eat as many corn dogs as you can!

RH: Ready? START!

Both Tari and Firestar devour their plates of corn dogs and eventually Firestar wins.

Firestar: Yes!

Tari: No- Oh no! It’s coming back up!

Tari pukes on Bread Monster.

Bread Monster: EW-

Bread Monster pukes on Junior, causing a vomiting chain reaction.

Tari - 4

Firestar - 3

Final Round! The Ipecac Pizza!

Objective: Eat the Ipecac Pizza and try not to puke.

Both Tari and Firestar eat the Ipecac Pizza. Tari vomits.

RH: Firestar wins!

Firestar: Yes!

Tari - 4

Firestar - 4

Firestar: YES! I BEAT YOU, TARI! I’M THE BEST!

RH: Actually, both of you tied.

Firestar: WHAT?!

Tari: Well, it was still a good game right?

Firestar: BULLS***! I SHOULD HAVE WON!

Firestar puts her hand on Tari’s chest and she short circuits. Tari then reactivates.

Tari: THAT IS SO IT!

Tari activates her defense mode and fires nuclear missiles at Firestar.

Meggy: OH S***!

Sunny: GUYS! CUT IT OUT!

Firestar shoots a massive fireball, but Tari deflects it and it crashes into the audience, setting them on fire.

Darth Vader: (still crying) AGH! THIS IS WORSE THAN SAND!

Peter Griffin runs by laughing while on fire.

RH: Guys! Break it up- NO WAIT!

Firestar shoots fire at RH, knocking him into the camera, sending it falling to the ground.

Brooklyn Guy: DAMAGE CONTROL! I REPEAT DAMAGE CONTROL!

NC: Oh! A camera!

RH: NO! THAT COSTS 700 DOLLARS-

NC steps on the camera, destroying it and causing the screen to turn to static.

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THE END

An RH Studios Production

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